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SHAY'S BLOG, ON THE TOPIC OF BEING CAPTIVATING (TO CLIENTS AS WELL AS TO LOVE) IS NOW HOSTED
 
HERE

Kill the Nerves & Get a Date

22 May 2011

One of the most valuable lessons I learnt recently, is that many people are finding approaching a potential partner as still being one of their biggest fears. I thought I’d create a note of the top three things that helped me get over stage fright in the hope that it may help you before speaking to that special person that’s caught your eye!

 

In a moment of madness earlier this year, I decided to combine my LOVE of jazz with my hobby of the stage to learn to sing.  My previous most embarrassing singing moment was when one of my legal clients got hold of my “woof” CD and wondered what the hell it was (its vocal practice!), but that was nothing compared to last week, when I was put in a position where I was performing in front of an audience of about 120 people.  With my old “I’m not Aretha” story running in my mind, and being asked to open the show I was feeling more than my fair share of nerves! About 10 minutes before I was due on stage I was desperately hoping I’d see Anna, my teacher, so she could calm me down.    I didn’t.   I think someone up there was urging me to learn the lesson for myself and I’m going to share with you the three ways that I managed to centre myself in this completely nerve wrecking scenario

 

How do I surprise and delight my partner?

 

I reminded myself that my purpose in singing was to surprise and delight the audience, with more than just my Manolo Blahniks.  By taking the focus to the audience and how I could best serve them, I forgot about myself and my lack of Aretha style vocals.   When applying this to an approach, try not to think about “me” and “what must she think?! sh*t!!!!”  Instead, think about the other person and how you can say something that would most please them in that moment.

 

Fake it til you make it

 

One of my favourite top tips when you’re lacking confidence is to borrow someone else’s. Remember John Cage in Ally McBeal? Before he was going to go into Court or approach a woman, he’d encapsulate the spirit of Barry White.  Mad? Slightly. Did it work? Hell, yes!  I decided to go a bit woo woo with this one and my person of choice was my higher spirit, an insanely playful & beautiful woman who doesn't know the meaning of nerves! Every time I think about how she would want to be portrayed through me, the world seems like a happier, brighter and more loving place. I highly recommend you try this!

 

Change your environment

 

Remember that old trick of imagining everyone in their underwear?  Well, it works. It makes the audience seem a lot less scary than just a mass of people.  For me personally, I had a think about what environment would make me feel more comfortable, rather than thinking about the audience. In the end, I decided to pretend that I was singing in my car or to one person whom I felt very loving towards rather than worrying about the 100+ people there.   If you are about to approach someone, remember, that they are just a human being like you and imagine them being absolutely delighted with your approach and it all going smoothly.  Imagination is a powerful thing – just remember to use it in the positive and it’ll really boost your chances of success!

 

And for those of you that want to know how it went – here it is!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tFfcfFZQ8M

 

If you want some individual help with your personal presence, I am currently running a one off and completely amazing package with my other business Sheer Distinctionwhich will not only help eradicate all the nerves that you might have, but we’ll also create for you a bespoke brand, perfect image & as a very special bonus, you’ll have your business photographs taken by the highly sought after Christina Morassi.  We have a limited number of 30 minute brand assessment consultations to give away too, so send me a message if you want some more details or visit www.sheerdistinction.co.uk

 

Creating a Sizzling Relationship (aka Teachings from Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny)
21 Dec 2010



As some of you may already know, I spent some time earlier this month in the beautiful Palm Springs for Tony Robbins’ Date With Destiny Event.  Before I went out there, the only feedback I’d hear about it is “its fantastic!”, but no one actually tells you what it is all about.  So I thought I would share one of the many insights that the event offers :)

This one is the secret that sets apart a relationship that’s a real sizzler, and those that are experiencing the dreaded “fizzle out”.

So what's the secret?

At the risk of sounding like I’m going back to caveman times, its all to do with masculinity and femininity i.e. men, ladies like you to behave like men and ladies, men like you NOT to be afraid of your femininity.    If you’re in a gay relationship, your core energy (i.e. masculine or feminine) may not necessarily be the same as your sex, so this theory works for you too (I’m using the terms “man” and “women” for ease :)

My favourite example of this in action is the old movie “Working Girl”.   You can watch its trailer here:
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1l1Ga5tSYQ&NR=1

Melanie Griffiths is the classic feminine woman, not afraid to look and act like a woman whilst also being very smart. In the end, she gets the man too, unlike her competition Sigourney Weaver who plays the classic “masculine woman”, who ultimately just isn’t that attractive with the super male energy that she projects.

One of the best analogies I have for this is that not living in your core energy is like putting the batteries a remote control around the wrong way.  There is only one way that they will work totally perfectly and that way is when they are at their harmonious opposites.

My last bit is just for the ladies...if you are interested in embracing your femininity a bit more, this event sounds simply divine, so do check it out :)

http://thefabfest.com/wordpress/festival/

Men, rest assured that if I hear wind of any amazing man events, I will keep you informed about those too :)


How to Put Someone On Cloud 9



 Merry Advent Everyone!  

 

I’d like to start by saying this: 

(: You are all totally wonderful :) 

 

Thank you for being here, reading my newsletters and for all your lovely comments; you’ve made this snowed-in girl feel very special and loved :)  And if you write to me individually, you may get my demonstration of an even more PERFECT compliment, which is what today’s note is going to be about. Compliments are a funny thing.  Sometimes, we’re so wrapped up in our own stuff that we don’t realise people are paying them to us.   So I’m going to invite you to play two little games this Christmas: 

 

Count the Compliments 

 

Count all the compliments that you receive during advent – even the little ones - you’ll be positively glowing by Christmas day when you open your eyes and start paying attention (you’ve already had one at the top of this note to give you a head start!)

 

Give Compliments 

 

Spread the love and see how many compliments you can give.   For those of you that are a little shy – see you if can play the game too, because no matter who you are or who it comes from, how good does it feel when someone pays you a really nice compliment?  How great would it be to make someone else feel that way? 

 

In order to pay an absolute KILLER compliment that has the capability to put someone on cloud 9 (dynamite if you want to absolutely charm someone) there are only three things to remember: 

 

1. Make it genuine and sincere.  People can smell insincerity a mile off, but sincerity has the power to touch someone’s soul

 

2. Make it evidence based e.g. rather than saying “I think you’re really witty”, you can say “I think you’re really witty because that thing you did last Friday just had me in stitches all night”.  The second is far more powerful because you’re telling the person how you reached your decision, making your decision all the more valid 

 

3. Don’t have any expectations or attachments to what will happen after you pay the compliment; if you’re only paying it so that the girl will give you her number, she’s not going to be as flattered.  If you pay it “just because” she’s much more likely to part with her number in the first place! 

 

Follow these steps and you can make someone else feel a million dollars (and spreading the good karma will be great for you too!) Happy complimenting!!

Where do I go on my first date?! 22.04.10


This week's article comes to you in association with www.veggievision.tv -
which is a fantastic website dedicated to all things vegetarian - including dating, for those of you seeking a vegetarian guy or gal! Karin, who runs the site has just a dating survey & I'll be sharing the results with you guys over the next few weeks.  This week I'll be focusing on the ideal first date...its so important to make a good impression, yet so stressful to find out exactly what to do!  Karin's survey reveals that:

 

72% said that going for a meal is the ideal first date

14% would like to chat in a pub

12% would love to go to the theatre

2% want to go clubbing!

 

Other romantic dates include:

Walking and adventure

Hike to watch a sunset while enjoying a glass of wine

A Picnic

A delicious meal at home

Log Cabin

Nature Reserve

 

My personal top tip on a first date is to keep it simple. I'll never forget the date where I was taken to Gordon Ramsey's Maze on a first date.  Amazing venue and food, but sadly there was absolutely no chemistry and 4 years on, I can't even remember the guy's name! In contrast, my first date with my boyfriend (not involving an entourage of our friends!) was in a pub in Southbank. In my humble opinion, somewhere you can go for a quick drink in a nice (but not OTT) venue is perfect.  Adrenalin activities (such as ice-skating) for example are perfect too as it gets you to bond immediately. As harsh as it sounds, you don't want to get stuck with the man who thought his ex was the one and has no idea what he's doing out with you over a 3 course meal (sadly yes, I speak from experience!)  Seriously though, a first date should leave you both wanting more and that means short, sweet and only providing a brief insight into why you're both so wonderful! If it works out, you'll have plenty of time for Michelin starred restaurants and telling each other everything later


John Gray & The Biggest Speed Dating Event EVER 08-04-10

 


This week, I’m going to keep things really short and sweet and share with you two really exciting events coming to the UK next week!  The first of these is a talk by none other than John Gray – the most famous relationship guru of them all. In fact, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was the first relationship coaching book I ever read, so you could say that John Gray started my coaching journey for me.  He’s giving a talk around his newest book “Why Mars and Venus Collide” at the IBIS Hotel in Lille Road (West Kensington/Earls Court) area next week (April 13th), so if you fancy an enlightening night out, book your tickets here and I’ll see you there.

 

http://www.gxevents.com/gray/index.php?param2= 1511_Shay_Aly

 

Now this next one is just for you singles out there.  This next event is an absolute bargain at only £10 per person, with a buy one get one free special offer on at the moment!  The Guinness Book of Records is aiming to host the biggest speed dating event. Ever on Sunday 18th April.  Better still, you get to do it whilst cooking yummy Italian pizzas!  So if you are single, why not give it a go with one of your mates, and if you don’t leave with at least a date, at least you can have some great food and contribute to a record.  Here is the link:

 

http://www.gxevents.com/speeddating/

 


Shopping for your perfect Hubbie or Wife 26-03-10

 

 

This week, I thought I'd keep things really light-hearted and tell you all about the husband store and the wife store!  The game to play here is to think about which floor you would stop at and see if there is really a pinch of truth in this old joke.  I would like to think that I would stop at floors 3 or 4, but nearly all my girlfriends have made it up to 5!  The men in my life have unanimously said "why would you go beyond the first floor?!" Lets see if you agree...

 

The Husband Store

 

Five whole floors here dedicated to your shopping experience - yeay!! On each floor, you can either pick a husband from that floor, or go up to the next floor.  If you choose to go to the next floor, you cannot go back down unless you want to leave the store.  So here goes....


First floor
The door has a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."  This is fabulous obviously, but would you choose to go up?


Second floor
This sign says "These men have jobs, love kids, and are great at housework." Even better!  But how many of you would go up further?


Third floor
The door here has a sign saying, "These men have jobs,  love kids, are great with housework and are incredibly handsome".  I bet a lot of you are now tempted.   But how many of you would go up even further?


Fourth floor
This sign says "These men have great jobs, love kids, are incredibly handsome, help with the housework, have a strong romantic streak and a great sense of humour."   Would most of you stop here?   Or are you tempted to go and see what the fifth floor has to offer.....


Fifth floor
You are visitor 72,123,098 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.  The exit is to your left.

The Wife Store


The Wife store also has five floors and the same rules as the husband store apply.

 

First Floor

Ladies that love sex

 

Second Floor

Ladies that love sex and are kind

 

Third Floor

Ladies that love sex, are kind and enjoy sports

The fourth and fifth floors have never been visited.

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling angry with someone?  Try this… 14-03-10



 


 

 

Many of you are probably have related to the line “its all his/her fault, that *****!!” at some point.  In fact about 96% of us live most of our lives without being open to the possibility that we could be the root cause of our own experiences.   After all, it isn’t in human nature to want to be wrong is it? But in the words of one cynic, the real question sometimes is "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

 

How would it be if you opened your mind just a little tried taking full responsibility?  My favourite example of this working like a charm is the classic jealously scenario.  Mr. Blue is late home from work one evening.  He comes home to find one of these two women:

 

Miss Red

““****king b**t**d is having an affair with his secretary.  He always stays out late with her or his friends - I’m going to be so mad with him when he gets back!!!”

 

Miss Pink

“My darling’s probably stuck in traffic/on the train - I hope he’s ok, I can’t wait to see him”

 

Do you think Mr. Blue would prefer to come home to Miss Red or Miss Pink?  Funny thing is, even if Mr. Blue is very faithful, Miss Red’s behaviour will probably drive him away eventually.  On the flip side, even if Mr. Blue is being unfaithful, if he comes home to Miss Pink consistently, he’s more likely to want to be faithful.

 

So even if Mr. Blue really is the effing bleep that Miss Red thinks he is, to many of us, how much better will her relationships be if she took responsibility for her part in his behaviour?  If may not be immediately appealing to take the blame, but one thing that responsibility gives you is absolute power.  You may not be able to change someone else, but you can change you and often that can give you magical results

Overcoming life's biggest challenges - even fatal accidents! 27-02-10



Sometimes the biggest inspirations in your life are the ones that are closest to home.  For me, one of my biggest is my Nanna who is one of the most beautiful, kind and loving people that I know. I feel very blessed to have her in my life, particularly when I she nearly died 7 years before I was born.
Nan’s story is that of the power of your mind & what is possible if you only stay strong.  She is from Mozambique.  In 1972, war broke out and many tried to escape.  Nan, my mum & her brother, attempted the dangerous drive to Swaziland, leaving everything behind. The roads were dangerous and the car that they drove tumbled down a cliff on the way.   
Nan was the most injured from this accident. She suffered from an open head injury and multiple spinal fractures.  Her prognosis was poor.  She was diagnosed as being paraplegic & was paralyzed from the neck to foot. She had severe amnesia.  The doctors thought that this was it, or if it wasn’t they were sure that she would have to spend the rest of her, severely disabled and in a wheelchair.  Nan’s response? She decided that she was going to live and she that was going to walk!  Slowly, to the doctor’s disbelief, she regained her strength, memory and yes, her ability to walk unaided.  When she continued her medical treatment in the UK, the doctors initially thought that the medical records must be wrong & described her ability to walk as nothing short of a miracle.
Sadly my Nan has been subject to other health issues over the years, many of which could have taken her life, including a recent diagnosis of breast cancer.  However, her strength of mind and determination have kept her going and no matter what comes her way. To this day, she has a belief that someone up there is looking after her and that she will overcome whatever life throws at her.  Her strength is unwavering.  We still hope that her strength will save her this time, just as it has many, many times in the past in much worse circumstances.
 
Throughout my life, I want to take a leaf out of Nan’s book. I don’t know anyone as strong as her, including myself, but she really does show us all what we can do, if we only apply our minds to it!
 
 
So next time you feel stressed about your increasing workload, not meeting the love of your life or your latest argument with a loved one, just remember that anything is possible if you want it enough!
 




Valentines Day was not invented by Hallmark (although I bet they wish they had!) 14-02-10



Not sure who wrote this one (although I know some of you will say "it was St. Valentine of course!", but I thought I would share with you the history of Valentines Day in the loveliest way I've seen it written!  Happy Valentines Day everyone.
 
"My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like him, and I wasn't the only one!

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars and leave their wives and families. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea and decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous and certainly wasn't going to support it!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favourite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.

I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours and she helped me to keep my spirits up. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!
"

Beat The Valentines Day Blues! 11-04-10


Yes, its the dreaded Feb 14th again! I know I know, you'd rather sit in a hole and hide than look at all those sickeningly happy couples out there!  One year, I remember trying to boycott it all by going to an "Equality and Diversity in Law" lecture (not one of my finer moments!)  Just to rub it in, walking past places like Clinton Cards or the normally quite innocent Boots really does not help matters.  

 

Well, it really needn't be like that.  As a single person, or someone who is going to be without their partner on Valentines Day, there are a myriad of things out there to do.  Luckily it falls on a Sunday this year which is a legitimate staying in night, but if you don't fancy that, the two events that really caught my eye this year are:

 

The Scent of a Woman

 

Yes, that home of romance - The Science Museum (?!) has decided to host a dating event with a difference.  What does your perfect partner smell like?  Well at this event, that's all you'll have to go on to pick your perfect date, as all the participants will be blindfolded!  Interested?  Visit http://www.danacentre.org.uk/events/2010/02/12/552

 

My Gosh Marvellous

 

This is the one I'll be going for on the big day...a decadent 30s-40s olde worlde nightclub experience featuring swing bands, dancers, cigarette girls and all the uber glamour of the era at Camden's  Proud Galleries.  And it's a steal at just £10!  Get your tickets at www.mygoshmarvellous.co.uk

 

If all else fails, why not plan a fun singles dinner with friends and use it to celebrate your singledom and the people you really love.

 

Keep Those Resolutions and Wish Your Way to Success! 12-01-10



Happy New Year Everyone!!!! 

What better topic to kick off the New Year with than resolutions? Ever wish that they weren't just made to be broken?  According to the very popular book "The Secret", it just doesn't need to be that way!  The idea very simple - ask and you shall receive! Your thoughts attract your reality, so the more positive your thoughts, the better your reality becomes.  Careful that you don't stray into the negative though, otherwise, you will get that instead!

 

So for you sceptics out there, try testing this out next time you have to find the perfect parking space - if you expect one, you'll get one, remembering of course that its important that you stay positive!  I tested this out on the challenging parking world of Piccadilly last night; during my drive I simply expected a great space. Guess what? I saw not only one but two!  However, I had to drive around the block to go get it.  When that happened, I became stressed about not getting the space I'd seen (yes, I am guilty of pointless road rage at times!) and the thought that then went through my head was "I bet that really slow driver in front of me is going to steal my parking space".  Guess what happened? Yep, that annoying Polo took the space I wanted and my other space was gone in a matter of seconds too!

 

The writers of the Secret believe that positive expectation it will work with anything you put your mind to, so why don't you learn from my minor mistake, stay focused and postive and try it out for yourself?  I'd love to hear any Secret success stories at shay@grownupkisschase.com

 

 


Flirt Your Way Through the Festive Season 18-12-09
 

I hope that you’re having a fantastic festive season so far.  The season is brimming with friends, parties, holidays and hopefully blossoming romance! With all the social opportunities around over the festive season, this is the ideal time to accept all those party invites and see who you can meet! Flirting need not be a scary word – it is nothing more than charm, with perhaps a little romantic charge behind it.  Romance or not, being charismatic with everyone can never hurt, and at the very least you’re sure to make someone smile.  In order to get you flirting this festive season, I’ll share with you my “FLIRTS” acronym – your instant guide to get flirting right away:

 

F is for Fun

A conversation is about having fun!  Make sure you enjoy what you're talking about and that you ensure your potential lover is enjoying the conversation too.

 

L is for listen

Always have a genuine desire to listen and understand what the other person is saying.  The focus in your conversation should be them and not you.  They should be showing you the same courtesy.  Be enthralled!!

 

I is for Interest

Make sure you have some interesting topics up your sleeve to talk about such as current affairs, movies or what your friends are talking about at the moment.  If you get stuck, take the conversation back to your partner and show that you're interested in them and what they're saying.

 

R (in the words of Aretha Franklin!) is for R-E-S-P-E-C-T

This almost goes without saying.  Make sure you don't cross the line.  Challenge or tease gently if the atmosphere is right, but be warned - take it too far and you'll lose.

 

T is for Tone

Your tone of voice has a huge impact on the words you say.  Match yours to that of the person you’re talking to for an instant subconscious connection.  Keep it slower, lower and deeper for instant seductiveness.

 

S is for Smile

Lastly don’t forget the favourite, and perhaps the easiest flirtation technique of all -  the smile!

 

 

 


The Real fountain of Knowledge - children (3-12-09)


 

Its been a very special week for me – one of my dearest friends has just had a baby girl so I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome Isabella to the world and also to dedicate this week’s article to Isabella, Annabelle, Sasha & Casper – the youngest grown ups on planet Shay.

 

And on the subject of little grown ups, I think that sometimes, some of the most astute and yet beautifully innocent words of wisdom, come only from the very young. As many of you know, I have been searching for the answer to what love is for a long time now. And no, this doesn’t mean on numerous disaster dates, but on asking you all what you think.  The answers that have bought me a very warm glow inside in a big way were the ones from the Marion Richardson Primary School, which I had the privilege of visiting recently.   In the words of one boy “Love feels like you’re dancing on the moon with the stars all around you”. Awww. Who would have thought that it would be a group of young, 11 year old boys who could be the most romantic?  Perhaps a more predictable answer from the boys was “Love is when its your wedding day, and your favourite football team is playing, but you still turn up at your wedding”.  I’m glad he had his priorities right. The overwhelming feeling from the boys was that marriage was very important and it was unthinkable that they would not do anything for the woman that they eventually loved and married.  I have to say, they displayed far more traditional (and lets face it lovely) values than I was expecting.  So ladies, next time you’re despairing about your man being more of a boy than a man, remember that even the youngest boys have the sweetest, innocent little romantic in them, just waiting to be discovered by you! And men, the women in your life rarely have the desire & capacity for romance completely hidden so (hopefully) you'll always know just how much you are loved and appreciated.


Learn to do a Karate Chop in 3 hours! (20-11-09)



Wouldn’t breaking a solid piece of wood with your bare hands be a cool party trick?  And no, you don’t need hours at the gym or training sessions with a karate black belt to be able to do it.  Well, do Joseph McClendon III it isn’t about strength – its about controlling your mind and believing you can do anything!
 

I was invited to Joseph’s event this Monday, the advertising tagline for which is “NLP meets the Secret”.  Joseph himself is a very charismatic chap who looks like he’s in his mid-late 30s, but is actually 56!  The thing that strikes you the most about him though is his passion to help and his love of motivating others to be the best that they can be, no matter what your life circumstances.  Sounds amazing right?  So I decided to take with me my biggest coaching challenge – my gorgeous mum!   Bless her, she’s a lovely and amazing woman, but won’t do anything that’s even remotely dangerous or difficult and has always been more in the “worrying” rather than the “positive thinking” category. A challenge indeed when board breaking is the highlight of the evening!  So I sold it to her as a night out with her daughter to go to an interesting lecture.  OK, so my advertising skills are not the best, but it worked and she came not really knowing what to expect.

 

In 2 hours, Joseph managed to not only make the audience feel fantastic on a Monday night, but he also convinced everyone that to receive anything in life, all you have to do is to ask. Ask God, the powers that be, the universe or the sky – whatever your chosen belief.  If you believe that it will come to you it will.  Then comes the board breaking part of the evening…sometimes you don’t know how you’re going to do something, but you break though and do it anyway!   Despite Mum’s excuses of how she desperately needed to go to the loo (clearly to avoid the board breaking!), I saw right though her tactics and she ended up doing it!  I have never been so shocked or indeed so proud of Mum! And once she’d done it, of course I had to do it too (having talked her into it in the first place). She’s been using Joseph’s techniques to make herself feel happier, more proactive and for once really is embracing the belief that the good things in life will simply come to those who expect them, even if you don’t know how.  The same is true of anything in life – including finding your ideal partner – all you really need is the firm belief that the right person is out there waiting for the right time to walk into your life and a touch of pro-activeness on your part!!

 

I really can’t recommend Joseph enough – he’s an amazing guy and if you are interested in seeing him live and maybe even doing some board breaking yourself, check him out on facebook or on here: http://www.tonyrobbinseurope.com/easyconsole.cfm/id/131.

 Beginners Guide to Singles Nights part 2 05-11-09

 

This week I’m going to talk to you about taking the plunge and hosting your own singles night! Most singles nights in the UK will have some or all of the following games played, but you can do anything you like, as long as its easy for people to talk to each other. For the guest list? Just ask your friends, work colleagues and acquaintances to come and party with you and bring at least 1 single friend with them.  One of your friends’ friends could be the ideal person for you!  To get your party started, these are a few of the most popular singles games:

 

Lock and Key:   Everyone is given a lock or a key right at the start of the evening.  The aim is for you to go around the venue asking if anyone has the key to fit your lock or vice-versa – an excuse to break the ice straight away! Find a few old padlocks and ribbons and hand them out as people arrive!

 

Encounters Wall: This is a great idea for your shy guests.  Take a quick digital snap of everyone as they arrive, print out the picture and stick all the snaps on your fridge/a wall.  People who fancy a certain someone can then leave a message behind the picture of the object of their affections.

 

Singles Bingo: A bingo board with a difference!  Find out a quirky fact about everyone that is coming along e.g. “has been to Japan”, “has done a pole dancing course”, “dated a celebrity”, “cooks fajitas as their signature dish” etc.  Collate these facts onto a table and give a copy of it to everyone as they arrive. Everyone will then try to complete their bingo table by matching the facts to each of the people in the room.

 

Speed Dating: This can be easily set up around a dinner table or a lounge.  Give each couple three minutes to talk to each other then ask then to move onto the next person. This takes a little co-ordinating, but can be a feature of the evening to get everyone talking to each other!

 

The Chocolate Fountain: yummy! The fountain is always a popular place to hang out as the world is full of chocoholics, so you’re likely to get someone’s attention for more than 5 minutes at such a scrumptious meeting point.   And as a host…get onto ebay and buy one for your party – it’ll be an instant hit!


The beginners guide to singles nights…part (1) 23-10-09


 

The things I go through in the name of research!  OK, so its been a few years since I have actually needed to go on a singles night and I was semi-horrified when one of my friends invited me to go to one with her in Berlin last Friday.  “Honestly, its just like a normal night out clubbing” she reassured me.  So I put on my best “I’m taken” act and went in the name of research and so that I could play the role of a supportive friend without breaking any hearts (yes, I’m big headed enough to think that I actually might ;)   So how exactly did I not pick up?

·         I went to the dance floor only with my friend. 

·         I did not make eye contact with anybody except the bar staff

·         When my friend was getting chatted up I decided to make myself scarce, sit on one of the sofas in the corner of the room and just people watch at a distance.

·         I made little effort to talk to anyone new

·         I don’t speak any German anyway

·         I didn’t make an effort to smile at anyone

And you know what – it worked!  I definitely didn’t pick up that night which my boyfriend will be delighted to hear.  However, but if unlike me, your aim is to go to singles nights to actually meet someone, make sure you’re not putting on any of my above behaviours!!  Eye contact, a smile  and a willingness to talk to anyone and everyone in the room will really work wonders in that kind of environment, so if you’re going along to meet someone make sure you take along an open mind and a really good mood.

 

Back in the UK, my personal view is that we’re really blessed with the singles nights that we have on offer.  In the ones I used to go to, they are rarely just a clubbing based experience where someone can easily turn up with their non-single friend.  After all, one of the most comforting things about a singles night is the fact that you know everyone else in the room is single.  A lot of singles nights have themes so if you only want to meet wine lovers, dancer enthusiasts, Jewish people, antipodeans, older women/younger men, or anything else you can imagine, there will be a night out there to suit you.  One of the best websites I have found for looking online (and sadly, no, they are not a sponsor – just a site that I thought was good) is http://www.smartdatinguk.com/singles-nights-uk.asp# to compare all the singles nights in your area!

 

For those of you that are missing the event of the week section this week, its difficult to ignore the fact that its Halloween next Saturday! Why not check out the fabulous sounding Halloween Singles Ball run by the Elect Club in London?  They’re running a decadent, glamourous and fun filled night just for those of you that fancy dressing up and checking out some gorgeous ghouls!  For more information and tickets go to: http://www.electclub.co.uk/events.php?eventref=47

 

 

 


Tony Robbins' Unleash the Power Within Roma 2009  10-10-09



Fancy being able to conquer your biggest fears, finally make those life decisions that you've been stalling on, and tackling all those negative beliefs that have been holding you back for YEARS? Well, these are the huge promises that Tony Robbins makes when you attend his Unleash the Power Within Seminar.  Big promises yes, but if you can get over the American-ness of it all, Tony himself really is very warm, entertaining, charismatic and certainly KNOWS how to deliver.  Despite cheekily describing his seminar as involving "no sleep, no breaks, little food and hugging sweaty people", Tony manages to capture the hearts of even the very hardest cynics who have forced themselves to attend by zealous friends or partners.  One of the things that has made his seminar so famous is the requirement to walk across a bed of burning hot coals at the end of day 1!! OK, so you have a choice not to do it.  The first time I went, I remember being one of those people who had "OK, I'll do anything, but please don't make me do this" running through my mind. Tony jokingly refers to having your feet being burnt off as not being a helpful image, then takes everyone through a process on changing the images in your head and getting into a state of total positivity, in a way that many of us have ever experienced before.   One thing that I have taken away from this and gone onto teach my clients is how to change the voice of your fears.   First of all, think about how the voice sounds.  Is it you?  Is it your parent or partner?  What's the tone that is being used?  One of my clients recently told me the voice that she imagined was that of her boyfriend cautioning her every time she got too excited about something.  I asked her if her boyfriend ever did silly voices.  Turned out that he did, and since then, every time his voice comes into her head in a negative way, she pretends that he is just doing his silly voice.  It's amazing how a little thing like changing the voice of your very mean and unnecessarily cruel inner critic, can help so much.   So even if you're not firewalking with Tony Robbins, why don't you try turning off the negative voices in your head next time your feeling fearful?!  And in case you're wondering if I did the Firewalk - of course I did!  The 8 year old boy who confidently and safely walked across the fire just ahead of me, was a little too much for my fragile ego to handle had I actually wimped out!  If I can do it, you certainly can!!  If you fancy giving Tony's methods a try yourself, you can catch him in Chigaco later this year or in Rome next June.  For more details contact me on the form below & I'll put you in touch with the organisers.  If its all a bit too much for you, you can pick up a free copy of Tony Robbins "Notes from a Friend" with an introduction to all his techniques here: http://www.anthonyrobbinseurope.com



The BEST chat-up "line" in the book 23-09-09

 

This week, I'm going to share the best chat up line in the book with everyone - the smile! Cheesy and old fashioned - yes, but it works!   I discovered the technique purely by accident many years ago when I got invited to a business lunch.  I knew absolutely no one there. I wasn't really in the mood to chat business, but I did remember to bring my little splash of confidence with me.  After making small talk with various people, I spotted a handsome stranger on the other side of the room and rather than run away and hide, like I'd have usually done,  I decided to just catch his eye and smile.  He smiled back. We were both talking to other people at the time, but he did approach me later and said that he'd been dying to talk to me all day!  To this day, I bet he'd tell you he chatted me up over lunch. The smile is such a subtle signal. that some may not even notice that you've made the "first" move.  Its just  an invitation to talk. The beauty of it is the worst that can happen is that someone doesn't smile back and how bad is that really?  They probably had no taste anyway!
 
For the ladies, this really is your best opener. It works like an absolute charm, and you don't even have your dignity to lose if it doesn't work on your object of your affection. If you smile at a man who likes to make that "first" move, he'll still think that he made it.  All that you have done is to send him a semi-subconscious signal to initiate a conversation with you.  If he's interested, he WILL come over and talk to you.
 
If you are a man, this technique works just as well. If you want to approach a girl, but are too embarrassed, why not try smiling at her first? If she smiles back, there is a good chance that she will talk to you if you do go and approach her. The smile will have broken the ice; it shows that you are interested and if your smile is reciprocated, there is  good chance that she's interested. . It is also slightly less scary than starting a conversation straightaway.
 
So what are you waiting for?  Get Smiling :D


Finding Love Slideshow - an introduction to the book 17.09.09

I have put together a new presentation about finding love. You can check it out at my LinkedIn and Facebook pages.


Top 10 ways to meet people part 2 10.09.09



As discussed last fortnight's article, the City need not be a lonely place when you just step outside your regular comfort zone and open yourself up to trying something new.  Meeting new people, whereever you are, is partly about opening your mind and perhaps making one or two small changes to your regular routine to meet people that are slightly different from your usual social circle.    To get you started, here's the rest of my top 5 ways of widening that social circle of yours and potentially meeting the lover of your dreams:

5. The Gym 
This used to be my former no.1 place to meet people, until I got some complaints about people being too shy about meeting in the sauna or looking too rubbish when doning their workout.  The myth about the gym is that it will only attract life's Adonis' and Cleopatras.  The Truth?  There are many people just like you and me that do not look like Lara Croft  that just go to the gym with the objective of wanting to feel good and there's nothing wrong with that.  Gym classes, gym parties, or even just walking off the treadmill is a great place to start a conversation.   Of course if you are totally body confident, you could even try the steam room or sauna, which has incredibly worked for some of my friends & clients; even those that had body issues!

4. The Park
Ok, so our weather has been rubbish this summer, but on the few good days that we do get, why not enjoy the sunshine and check out the locals?   If you are feeling particularly cheeky take one of those big blow up frisbees or a beach ball with you and ask any potential dates if they would like to join in or simply throw it in their direction - everyone loves a fun side!  Alternatively, take the dog for a walk - your dog may well attract the attention for you & become a conversation starter. 

3.Dance Classes
As a keen dancer, I highly recommend dance classes - particularly if you are a man!  Dance classes attract large numbers of single, attractive people and the very nature of the activity ensures that everyone will be in a good mood  - in the words of Oscar Wilde, "dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire"  There are plenty of free beginners classes out and around London in any type of dance you can imagine!  Remember ladies - it is just as acceptable for you to ask men to dance as it is for men to ask you - you are all learning after all. 

 

 

2. Your friends' parties 

Going to parties is one of the best places where you can meet new people.  If you have not met all of your friends' friends, you never know if there may be someone there who you might be interested in.  If you don't have the type of friends that throw regular parties give single's nights a try instead.  These events are like going clubbing in an environment where you can assume that everyone there is unattached & if you are of a shyer disposition, there will often be a variety of party games to spark off conversation.


1. Smiling at random strangers

Everyone knows that London is full of commuters who don't look that happy most of the time.  Imagine how much you could lift someone's mood by just smiling at them?  If they smile back, this may be a great opportunity to start a conversation.  And if you think it never happens, its happened to me at least 4 times on the central line, all by pretty eligible looking guys!  And even though I'm not single anymore, each time that's happened, its always made my day.  So this evening on your way home - its a Friday and its the perfect day of the week to just lift someone's mood because you smiled at them.  Go on - make someone's day!


Top 10 ways to meet new people part 1 24-08-09

kiss5

Do you find yourself telling everyone that you can never meet anyone new?  Do you already know all of your friends’ friends?  London can be a pretty lonely place if you are exploring the world of dating again or for the first time.  However, with a few suggestions to get you started, it needn’t be that way!  Nor do you need to be quite as forthright as the little boy in this weeks picture!  One of my clients from yesterday told me that she already had FOUR dates last week, just by following a few of these techniques.  Perhaps you don’t want that many dates, but  I thought I would share with you my top 10 pointers for getting as many dates as you want.  If anything, it makes life a little more excting!  This week features numbers 10-6 of the Top 10 ways to meet someone new….
 
 
10.           Going to coffee shops on your own
 
Being on your own means that people are more likely to talk to you – its less intimidating for the person doing the approaching.  Why not ask someone if you can share their sofa next time you are in Starbucks or take a good book, enjoy a coffee and see who comes your way :)
 
9.               The Internet
 
There are a few taboos with internet dating I will admit, but these are becoming less and less as more busy young professionals are flocking to dating websites.  On the whole the people on these sites are not sad and desperate, but normal people just trying a different way of finding someone new.  I challenge you to try it and not find someone who is at least interesting!
 
8.               Festivals or small gigs
 
These are a perfect venue to meet someone new as you already know that you have a shared interest in the type of music/activity featured.  It has the added bonus of being a venue where people are likely to be in a good mood and therefore much more open to starting a conversation.
 
7.               The supermarket
 
Plenty of chat up line potential here – why not try something like "I can't reach…..can you help me?" or "Have you tried this brand before? Is it any good?".  There is of course the added bonus that most of us will go to the supermarket anyway.  A cursory look at someone's shopping basket may give you a clue as to who is single and who is not :) 
 
6.               Lectures or Courses
 
In many ways this is an ideal environment, as you will both already have a common interest in that you have attended the same lecture or course.  This can set the scene for a conversation very easily and you can sit next to a person that you are interested in whilst still being able to make a subtle approach. 
 
 
Don’t forget to visit us next week for the remainder of the top 10 ways to meet someone. In the meantime, do contact me on shay@grownupkisschase.com for your favourite ways to meet someone new!
 


The Grown Up Question.... 22-06-2009 


The Grown Up Guide to Kiss Chase aims to answer the age old
mystery of the secret of love with your help.  Please complete the
following sentence "The Secret of Love is...." and
send it to me on the form below.  All the best
answers will be published in "The Grown Up Guide to Kiss
Chase" and will be eligible for a discounted copy of the book.
grownupkisschase.com is Live!! 21-06-2009 

                 

Its been a long time in the making but grownupkisschase.com
is finally live!!!

Join the Grown Up mailing list to receive
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